the old man smell

[bigj2552]

and NO..it aint me yet...
but its probably/is coming in 15yrs if it happens at 59...yikes ! :rolleyes:...


That “Old Man” Smell



Everyone knows that older fellows develop a distinct aroma about them, beginning at the age of 59 1/2. It is not necessarily an unpleasant fragrance, but an odor that distinguishes them exclusively from younger, virile studs with a vast amount of testosterone coursing through their bloodstream.

The onset of the smell is 12.9 seconds after getting out of the shower. It permeates the air at exactly the speed of sound and dissipates after about 30 meters. This occurs especially in the presence of women and women in training. It’s almost as if God is signaling to the female gender that this individual is no longer capable of delivering (if you know what I mean). She may not consciously reject any notion of coupling with the afflicted individual, but knows, nevertheless, that he is not worthy of her any longer.

Massive doses of Old Spice matter little in masking this odoriferous ball and chain. Once, a friend said that an attractive thirty-something had the audacity to say to him, “You smell like my father!” “Oh, great,” he thought, “Maybe I should read her a bedtime story and stealthily leave her bedroom so that she may dream of sugar plum fairies and all things wonderful.” And he (my friend) thought that Old Spice was the greatest aphrodisiac of the last three centuries!

There are such things called pheromones. These are scents that both sexes possess that are exactly the same, only different, that signal to the other that he or she is ready to accommodate said other with certain acts of intimacy. My theory is that older guys emanate anti-pheromones that suggest to women to avoid this old bastard in all cases…unconsciously, of course, unless he possesses a boatload of money. Anti-pheromones are a precursor of death.

Death certainly is a sorry prospect when the man is expected to be around for the duration of the maturation of the inevitable child that will ensue from aggressive courtship and, hopefully, marriage.

And so, “my friend” resigns himself to the fact that his odor will never again help him gain the companionship that he so desires. It is over, Bud! Grab your shawl and relax in the rocker next to the fireplace. Prepare for your eternal dirt nap.

Oh, yeah, and next time try to remember that half-eaten bean burrito that’s been decomposing in your bathrobe pocket for the past two weeks…if there is a next time.