mum died last night

[bigj2552]

thanks all sorry to bore you -
thats the ebay shop shut and i had plans for another business to open - that will wait - no way in hell can i do anything now, even worse next week :frown:
i,m trying to be strong for my dad - he broke down this morning for the first time ever - dad never shows his emotions, today he did - and said he felt empty inside :frown:
dads also got angina and we had the doc at the house morning mum died cause he had chest pains - please god dont give me any more

just when you think you are getting life sorted out and find a direction i wanted to go along - BAM ! ...

never felt so alone - dont have any friends down here either to turn to either cause i always had the other business and was always working, so no social life - oh yeh, i lot of hanger ons, but they aint friends. they just want whats in yer wallet, nothing else

its at times like this i wished i never chose a self employed career and wished i had settled done with wife and kids.
but it just wasn't for me - i wanted more from life...but right now, i wished i had em :frown:

anyway - rant over....

[Ian M]

So very sorry to hear about your mum passing away Jonathan. I was very much the same as you when my dad passed away 5 years ago as I'm also single with friends far away from me. Please try to remember all the happy times with your mum & we can see how much you loved her. Your mum will have loved you just the same too & no doubt she will now be watching over you. Take great care my friend & you & your dad are in my prayers.

[smo]

Very sad, my condolances for you loss. Don't be afraid about upsetting anyone on here, we're all big enough and ugly enough to cope and if you need to vent on here to help work through it for your own sanity then go for it

[bigj2552]

Very sad, my condolances for you loss. Don't be afraid about upsetting anyone on here, we're all big enough and ugly enough to cope and if you need to vent on here to help work through it for your own sanity then go for it

thanks guys - and thanks SMO -we got off on the wrong foot at the beginning :frown:

had to go and see my mother myself at the parlour today - no one else would go - dam that was really, really hard...my brother and dad want a closed casket so i had no choice if i wanted to see her again:frown:
i,m the youngest so why is it up to me to keep the other 2 together ? - i,m a wreck to !!
funeral tomorrow afternoon.....this gonna be the worst day of my entire life.

my common sense says get myself back to work as soon as...as it will help take my mind away from it a bit - i hope...i shall see.
dunno whether its stress or what but i keep getting feelings of being really cold, like chittering, then other times i,m burning up.....

[bigj2552]

that was one hell of a day for me....the funeral.....worst day of my life
strong antidepressants are taking the edge off the pain for now, which is good thing - but today i still cryed my big heart out at the grave side.

maybe now today is over, i might start to find a little piece in my head/heart over the coming weeks and months.
my father has told me to get back to my contracts and to get the ebay shop back open as well before this weekend.
i was also 2 weeks away from opening another new site selling blank sub phone cases to the trade - i dont know if flinging myself into work will take my mind from all thats happened or not...see how i feel next couple days - for all you other guys n girls on here - make the most of the time you have with your parents - you never know when they will be taken away from you....i,m lucky i got to spend a day out on sunday with mine and speak to her the night before she died...that gives me some comfort - other people are not as lucky as that

got to look forward - which is pretty hard right now.
thanks for all wishes on here - funny how people you dont know can make a difference just by words

[smo]

Nothing wrong with crying, its the best release of the pain inside.

As for throwing yourself into work, i'd advise caution. Work can be a great distraction but its just that, one day you have to stop and you dont want all the pain and grief to come flooding back because you simply covered it up with work. Better to go steady and find a balance of both so the business continues but not to point where you are 100% consumed by it and ignore whats really going on inside.

[FlyingAl]

Totally with smo on this one, it's all about balance. My wife lost her very close uncle almost a year ago, it devasted her and she ploughed all her resources into 'other things' which included dealing with her uncles affairs and didn't take the time to grieve properly, life must go on but allow yourself a little bit of quality quite time amongst the chaos.

[bigj2552]

thanks guys - taking the advise and starting back slow.....see how i feel - got the two girls that work for me to help when i go back so not all myself

see how it goes over the next week....but sitting about is doing me no good either - to much time to think is just a bad !

[Bob700]

So sorry for your loss

[GoldRapt]

I was wondering how Johnny was getting on.